On November 4th, 2008, an event that never happened before happened, that I will remember for a very long time. It took me more than 8 years to be in America to see. The government, society and politics seemed to have been interested in stopping it for the longest time. I got to vote... but enough about me... for now...
As most people in the world know, on November 4th, 2008 history was made (yes, most – not sure that the guy speaking in click language in mid-Africa was able to click that there’s a new president in America), when Obama was elected to highest office in the United States, perhaps the world.
Pundits in the media had theories ranging from the accepted new diversity in America to the end of the Reagan-era. I think we need to start a new theory that vowel-to-letter ratio is higher for Obama than it is for McCain, which is the source of his strength. True, it didn’t work for all presidents before, but it’s definitely true now in this particular instance in 2008. Can’t argue with that. As strong an argument as the media has. 2012 elections? Obama needs to pray the Republicans don’t nominate Caesar Sequoia.
Or… it could just be that people got sick and tired of a president and administration that sucks more than a dyson vaccum and blows more than Katrina (pun intended).
They like to say now that this means the end of racism in America. Really? In all of vast land of the United States, there are about 7 houses left that are not about to be forclosed by the banks, and all of them owned by John McCain. And still 46% voted against Obama. Oh right – racism is gone with the wind.
In the popular vote, Obama got 9M more votes than McCain. The media called it a landslide. What does this mean? If 5M of those voters changed their mind the other way (and because of the great 2-party system they would have voted for McCain), McCain would have probably won. 5 millions changing their votes out of about 130M cast.
Want to put that in perspective? An estimated 5.2 million Americans have Alzheimer's disease. They may have wanted to vote for McCain and forgot.
Nearly 5 million Americans have dry eyes – they may have not even seen the names on the ballot.
More than 6 million Americans abuse prescription drugs - They may have wanted to vote McCain but the pink 3-eyed bunny living on their shoulder told them to change their vote.
Really - a landslide.
As I don’t belong to any of those 3 groups (while a few drinks in me would make me see my very own pink bunny, I call him Lloyd Bismol…), my vote for Obama was more valid, or at least I hope so.
So my first presidential vote in the US was a short experience overall. By the way – in my first presidential vote I voted for Obama. Result? He won. In 2006 I got to vote in my first mid-term elections – voted for the Democrats all across. Result? Democrats took back the house for the first time since 1994. Moved to Boston in the end of 2000. New England Patriots result? First Super Bowl championship in history. I’m just saying…
So in that Tuesday we walked to our polling station with Lia in the stroller. The polling station was in the church of a gymnasium. I don’t know about all the lines they were talking about in Ohio of people waiting in the rain for hours, but I know we strolled in directly to the booths that seem so sturdy, I believe mine toppled over because I sneezed. Lia was running around all across so there’s a chance I might have voted for Charles Jay of the Boston Tea Party (couldn’t make up a funnier option - CJ08.com; he also ran in 2004 - his running mate? Marilyn Chambers – a porn star in the 70s – only in America).
But anyway… I voted on all the measures etc. I got chickens to see sun before we use them for our own use, for a speed train from Los Angeles to San Francisco that will probably be built by 2027 when both cities will be under water, and to let all people marry who they want. Not all issues are of the same importance and magnitude… We put the ‘I Voted’ stickers on Lia, who was very proud to take part of the western democracy. Also, the stickers had nice colors to them…
Of course by the time we got back home that evening in California, all was but over, while you wouldn’t have figured that out from the media – they stretched how ‘open it is’ as much they could, while Ohio went to Obama and that meant it was really over.
But for me – I felt I was part of bigger America, and it was quick, anti-cathartic and a little fun. Obama got 68,236,957 votes. I'm responsible for it not being 68,236,956 and that will always be the case, so it's pretty cool.
In Israel we got the day off for election days, which happens about evey 2-3 months. Free from work every election day. Here in the U.S. I worked like crazy that day, and had to email with work back-and-forth while I was voting for the leader of the ‘free world’. Ironic…
Showing posts with label Israel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Israel. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Independence in America - OR An Office Birthday
So this week on July 4th, Americans will be celebrating that faithful day when the nation was founded back in Philadelphia (and not in Washington D.C., as most Americans mistakenly believe, which of course is impossible).
Americans buy a tremendous amount of fireworks - legally and illegally, from small ones that whistle like cute little birds, to large explosives that create medium-sized craters in Earth itself. This is of course different than most countries in the world, where you generally cannot buy from a store or a drifter in an intersection dynamite-based explosives. Well, except of maybe Iraq. Please note that in small and large cities across the entire country there are multiple firework displays throughout the July 4th night that are managed by professionals. But for Americans, that is not enough. They must celebrate freedom themselves. The freedom of not being able to name the 3 branches of government or their congressman, but still. All this is because for Americans, nothing means celebrating American independence like blowing up a small part of it.
Americans buy a tremendous amount of fireworks - legally and illegally, from small ones that whistle like cute little birds, to large explosives that create medium-sized craters in Earth itself. This is of course different than most countries in the world, where you generally cannot buy from a store or a drifter in an intersection dynamite-based explosives. Well, except of maybe Iraq. Please note that in small and large cities across the entire country there are multiple firework displays throughout the July 4th night that are managed by professionals. But for Americans, that is not enough. They must celebrate freedom themselves. The freedom of not being able to name the 3 branches of government or their congressman, but still. All this is because for Americans, nothing means celebrating American independence like blowing up a small part of it.
And as birthday office-greetings in the United States go…
Hey, I’m so glad I ran into you here. Happy birthday, America! How old? 232?! You don’t look a day over 220…
So what are you doing this year? Oh, taking the day off – that’s great. Any big plans? Inviting any friends over? Oh, you’re not in speaking terms with most anymore after your last fight, huh? That’s a tough one…
Well, I’m sure Israel will come – she’s always desperate to be invited to any party. And Mexico will probably crash the party anyway – if you invite him or not. How about other neighbors? Canada maybe? Watching the hockey game, right… How about Zimbabwe? You both have so much in common – you don’t care about the constitution any longer and your money is worth crap now. How about UK? I know, it’s always awkward to have your in-laws there…
What? What happened? Why are you crying? That’s not true, you have many friends here… I don’t think everyone hates you… they’re just… a bit annoyed, you know?
You really want to know? Well, I guess it’s related to you fighting with others all the time. I mean – the fight you had with Iraq, since when? Your 227th birthday or something – do you even remember why it started? And you know that you always eat everything in the cafeteria and then just leave the garbage in your office? It stinks the whole building, and people are talking about that…
But I wouldn’t say hate. They still look up to you. They still try to be like you. You got the card, right? You see? We passed it around and most wanted to sign their name. Right – North Korea didn’t. That surprises you? He’ll probably throw a tantrum today too, just to get some of the attention.
Why don’t you go home early today to start the celebration already? You’re working more hours than anyone else here anyway. You deserve it. Go, drink something, maybe look at some pictures of your early years and think about how you got to here.
No, don’t go to the mall to buy something – that will cheer you up for a minute and you’ll regret it later – you can’t afford getting into more debt!
Ok, let me give you a hug. Here you go. Come later, we have a nice cake for you, with all the candles and funny toys at the top. Who made it? China. So yeah – I wouldn’t touch it unless you want some lead poisoning.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Naturally Blogging in America – OR, Why?
From as far back as I remember, which is weird as I’m not sure what I had to eat for lunch today, I had the impression that I would fit in in America – I felt closer to the philosophy, the liberal values, the chances, the sky (and therefore the limit). I’m not sure why – who does? And yet, I didn’t really become American by just landing in Boston. Not even close. I wasn’t exactly Israeli either - an immigrant, a foreigner; that floating existence between here and there. Locked between one world and another – just like Patrick Swayze in Ghost (only I still have a career).
That’s also the treatment I got. Unlike most Israelis, somehow when I speak English it doesn’t sound like I have marbles in my mouth. I do have an accent, but just not enough for anyone to recognize where I’m from. So I’m usually placed by Americans in that highly specific geographic region of the world – ‘the rest of the world’, or ‘not here’. In the past eight years I’ve been a Mexican, an Iraqi, a Russian, an Arab and many others - a true citizen of the world. A mild accent and not being completely white will do that to you. But thank God, or congress, my wife is a U.S. citizen and therefore I had the privilege of starting the process of becoming formally an American, what the powers call - naturalization. I don’t want to over stretch this now, but this is a process that puts the ‘tic’ in bureaucratic (one that is attached to one’s neck and sucks the blood directly and efficiently from the vein). This is a process that puts the preparation for the Apollo 11 mission to shame. Columbus reached America without a steamboat faster than this process. There’s a good chance that Haitians and Cubans who try to swim to the U.S. shore actually choose that option instead of going through this experience.
In the citizenship test, as part of the trial by fire initiation to become an American, the correct answers to the question: ‘Name some benefits of becoming an American’ are: ‘Travel with a U.S. passport’, ‘Obtaining government jobs’ and the ‘Ability to petition close family members to become U.S. citizens’. Well, I already had a passport, I never planned on ever becoming a cop or secretary of agriculture, and my mom is here a lot anyway. Conspicuously enough, voting and affecting the government is not listed as one of those benefits. Maybe this has to do with the 2000 elections – voting is not a benefit for any American.
There I was thinking: would that day of becoming formally a citizen make everything different? Would I become an average American all of a sudden? Would I start saying wrong things to my wife and buy flowers and jewelry to apologize for that? Would I feel different? Would I leave the swearing-in ceremony some 30 pounds heavier? Would I forget all geography? Or would baseball look so much better? All signs pointed to no. So the whole official process didn’t look promising – a passport wouldn’t have done it.
For years, I went through this vicious circle of hell of the formal naturalization. Fast forward (in warp speed), and finally in 2005 I became a formally naturalized U.S. citizen. But do I really feel natural here now? Is there another way to be part of it all? Do I need a secret password? Can I ever belong here? How do I get there? Can I get there from here? What’s with all the questions? And if Mickey’s a mouse and Pluto’s a dog, what is Goofy?
So why am I writing this? There were a few million other immigrants coming to the U.S. in the past few years, a few of them actually legal. Some of them not through tunnels, and a full dozen without bullets zooming over their ears by Southern Arizona self-proclaimed vigilantes. Couldn’t all they have written a blog about being in America? Why do I need the narcissistic potential attention of people peeking into my life? Well, for one, I am formally an American now, and as I don’t drive an SUV that sucks the life out of Earth itself, I need to do something to keep my natural citizen status alive. And secondly, I write this mostly for me, (considering the off-chance that anyone other than me actually ever reads this). Maybe I’ll never feel really totally natural. Maybe no person living outside the caves does. But maybe I’ll figure out if that’s possible at all.
So come with me on a magical journey across America (relax and don’t contact me about that - I don’t have any drugs!). In this journey we’ll explore the innate and learned cultural, psychological and anthropological differences between people around the world and how they compare to Americans. We will peel the layers of these differences to get closer to the core of the truth - that with all these differences, all people are the same – all people everywhere are hilariously ridiculous.
That’s also the treatment I got. Unlike most Israelis, somehow when I speak English it doesn’t sound like I have marbles in my mouth. I do have an accent, but just not enough for anyone to recognize where I’m from. So I’m usually placed by Americans in that highly specific geographic region of the world – ‘the rest of the world’, or ‘not here’. In the past eight years I’ve been a Mexican, an Iraqi, a Russian, an Arab and many others - a true citizen of the world. A mild accent and not being completely white will do that to you. But thank God, or congress, my wife is a U.S. citizen and therefore I had the privilege of starting the process of becoming formally an American, what the powers call - naturalization. I don’t want to over stretch this now, but this is a process that puts the ‘tic’ in bureaucratic (one that is attached to one’s neck and sucks the blood directly and efficiently from the vein). This is a process that puts the preparation for the Apollo 11 mission to shame. Columbus reached America without a steamboat faster than this process. There’s a good chance that Haitians and Cubans who try to swim to the U.S. shore actually choose that option instead of going through this experience.
In the citizenship test, as part of the trial by fire initiation to become an American, the correct answers to the question: ‘Name some benefits of becoming an American’ are: ‘Travel with a U.S. passport’, ‘Obtaining government jobs’ and the ‘Ability to petition close family members to become U.S. citizens’. Well, I already had a passport, I never planned on ever becoming a cop or secretary of agriculture, and my mom is here a lot anyway. Conspicuously enough, voting and affecting the government is not listed as one of those benefits. Maybe this has to do with the 2000 elections – voting is not a benefit for any American.
There I was thinking: would that day of becoming formally a citizen make everything different? Would I become an average American all of a sudden? Would I start saying wrong things to my wife and buy flowers and jewelry to apologize for that? Would I feel different? Would I leave the swearing-in ceremony some 30 pounds heavier? Would I forget all geography? Or would baseball look so much better? All signs pointed to no. So the whole official process didn’t look promising – a passport wouldn’t have done it.
For years, I went through this vicious circle of hell of the formal naturalization. Fast forward (in warp speed), and finally in 2005 I became a formally naturalized U.S. citizen. But do I really feel natural here now? Is there another way to be part of it all? Do I need a secret password? Can I ever belong here? How do I get there? Can I get there from here? What’s with all the questions? And if Mickey’s a mouse and Pluto’s a dog, what is Goofy?
So why am I writing this? There were a few million other immigrants coming to the U.S. in the past few years, a few of them actually legal. Some of them not through tunnels, and a full dozen without bullets zooming over their ears by Southern Arizona self-proclaimed vigilantes. Couldn’t all they have written a blog about being in America? Why do I need the narcissistic potential attention of people peeking into my life? Well, for one, I am formally an American now, and as I don’t drive an SUV that sucks the life out of Earth itself, I need to do something to keep my natural citizen status alive. And secondly, I write this mostly for me, (considering the off-chance that anyone other than me actually ever reads this). Maybe I’ll never feel really totally natural. Maybe no person living outside the caves does. But maybe I’ll figure out if that’s possible at all.
So come with me on a magical journey across America (relax and don’t contact me about that - I don’t have any drugs!). In this journey we’ll explore the innate and learned cultural, psychological and anthropological differences between people around the world and how they compare to Americans. We will peel the layers of these differences to get closer to the core of the truth - that with all these differences, all people are the same – all people everywhere are hilariously ridiculous.
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